Feminism: the belief that women should be given every respect, support and opportunity as their male counterparts. Why I am feminist (and why, I ask, has this come to feel to so many like a dirty word?). Because as a daughter, a partner and a mother of daughters, I need to celebrate our achievements, to shake my fist at limitations placed upon us, and to keep trying to bring about this empowerment of women.
2. What has surprised you most about parenthood?
Its relentlessness.
3. What skills have you learned or honed as a parent?
Still learning! To trust my instincts, to slow down and take a breath (often), to honour (and not try to change) the character of each of my children.
4. What work do you feel called to do? (You don't need to limit your answer to one thing).
I am a teacher by trained profession, currently on "eternity leave". Spending time with my children at home has set me up perfectly to my future return to the more formal classroom setting. No longer will I look at that kid misbehaving in the back of my class as a pain in the arse, but rather as an individual who is the centre of someone's universe, and who has something wonderful to offer, and who in turn deserves to receive something meaningful from me. My students will likely forget the irregular French verbs I teach them, but they will never forget the way I made them feel.
I love teaching. It is one of those professions that is very compatible with parenthood (ie. I get to play hooky all summer), and I feel fortunate to have the opportunity to do it.
5. Could you put your identity into a few key words? ie. mother-writer-student. How do you imagine your identity changing in ten years? Or twenty?
Today: mother-manager. Yup. Mostly that.
10 years: mother-teacher-?
20 years: lover-diva-adventurer-marathon runner - storyteller -crazy grandmother (Ha! I just thought I'd toss those in - don't know what I'll be in 20 years)
6. What is work? What is leisure? Do you have enough time to do the work that you want to do?
Work is that thing that has to be done (sweeping floors, educating people, caring for someone in need, harvesting crops, etc.) Leisure is that thing that can be done, if we find the time, if we choose it, if we enjoy it. Right now, I don't have enough time to do the work that I want to do. Sometimes that makes me frustrated. But later, I'll have more time. And more sleep.
7. Payment is the most obvious way to assign value to work; are there other ways?
The time our work takes, the impact it has, and the feeling it brings us, and to others for whom we work.
8. When people ask: what do you do, how do you reply? How does your reply make you feel?
Good question. I've come a long way with this one. At first, feeling conflicted about leaving my paid job to be at home, I awkwardly answered: "I'm a teacher...on leave" Today, I have come into my own more, and I reply "I'm at home raising these kids", with little hesistation. When pressed further, I do mention the notion of my "eternity leave", if people really need to know if I ever did anything BUT have kids. Most people then admit that staying home with kids is much harder than going off to work each day, and this does give me some small satisfaction.
9. How have your goals for yourself changed since becoming a parent? What help do you need to reach those goals?
I really just don't want to screw up too badly, and to enjoy this journey which will hopefully launch four children happily into adulthood, instilled with self-confidence and some kind of meaningful purpose. To do this, I seek help from many sources: family, parents, friends, books,all of whom help normalize this parenting experience for me, which in turn gives me confidence that I"m doing OK, despite those D minus days of mothering.
10. How has feminism failed mothers / fathers (if you think it has)? Personally, what do you think feminism has given mothers / fathers? What could it give?
If we are paralyzed by anger and bitterness, then feminism, in all its implications, has failed us. If we feel as if we must choose between a career that energizes us and parenting with purpose, then perhaps feminism has failed us. What it does give us is a purpose, a challenge, and a way of measuring how far we've come, because hey, we've come a long way, baby.
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