I am a feminist because I believe in equality of opportunity for men and women, freedom from violence and equal remuneration for work of equal value. I have 'officially' been one since university, when I took a lot of women's studies courses. They helped me name some of the practices and inequalities I had seen or thought about all my life. As a child, I used to question why women do more housework/cooking/childcaring, etc. than men, and could get no satisfactory answers. Feminism helped me understand how we got here and what we can do about it.
2. What has surprised you most about parenthood?
Perhaps what I least expected was the lack or reduction of personal time and space. It's still what I crave the most, and I even regularly get some now. I was also surprised by how much I can love these children, although I had expected to do so.
3. What skills have you learned or honed as a parent?
I think I am more likely to assume 'authority' now than I was pre-kids, mostly because I now know that I can herd cats. In comparison, managing semi-rational adults seems easy. I often used to feel 'young' when I was working (and indeed, I was probably the youngest in my office); I now feel like I know a lot more about life and how to handle tricky -- even life and death -- situations. I also know my own mind better. Parenthood has also helped me hone my time management skills, too, although that was never a big issue for me.
On the downside, I used to be known for my patience. I don't think anyone could describe me that way anymore...
4. What work do you feel called to do? (You don't need to limit your answer to one thing).
That's a hard one, and I'm still trying to figure it out. I keep coming back to some form of writing. I'm not bad at teaching, although it would have to be adults, and I'm too self-conscious to teach hundreds of adults, like my husband does. I sometimes also think I should have been a counsellor of some sort. Certainly it has to do with communication and with reaching people, either immediately or less directly. Just as certainly, my calling does not lie in childcaring or domestic work of any sort. Short answer, though, is that I don't yet know (Yikes! Time is running out!).
5. Could you put your identity into a few key words? ie. mother-writer-student. How do you imagine your identity changing in ten years? Or twenty?
Mother-wife-writer. The order may change in 10 or 20 years, or perhaps I'll have new words to add on.
6. What is work? What is leisure? Do you have enough time to do the work that you want to do?
It seems to me that work is generally something that we are obliged to do, and sometimes we get paid for it. I think that's why people say 'it doesn't feel like work' when they like or love it. Leisure is what we do in our spare time: we fill it up with what we love to do, or with something we're exploring. And no, I never feel like I have the time to do the work I want to do, but I'm not always sure it's because the time isn't there, or because I've chosen to do something else instead.
7. Payment is the most obvious way to assign value to work; are there other ways?
Gratitude is probably another way. I think we are more motivated to work when we are appreciated, and words of praise can assign more value to work.
8. When people ask: what do you do, how do you reply? How does your reply make you feel?
I say 'stay-at-home mum,' and try as I might not to, I do find it less satisfying than saying 'website manager' or 'copy editor.' It's just more boring, and sometimes you can even see it reflected in other people's eyes. I chose to do this, and I'm happy to be doing this work, but it's not always very fulfilling. And it's so commonplace, that it doesn't seem interesting in and of itself.
9. How have your goals for yourself changed since becoming a parent? What help do you need to reach those goals?
My goals now pretty much revolve around the children's development. As they get older, I'm thinking beyond them more, but I'm still at a stage where my annual goals are reflected in what I can help the kids achieve: eg., speech development, compassion, etc. My more personal goals involve trying to figure out how I want to find meaning in life, lose weight, regain control over the paperwork in my house, and some more banal things like that. I'm not sure what would help me achieve these goals. Actually, I'm pretty sure a housekeeper would help me.
10. How has feminism failed mothers / fathers (if you think it has)? Personally, what do you think feminism has given mothers / fathers? What could it give?
Overall, I don't think feminism has failed mothers/fathers. There have been blips, like when being at home with your children was not considered feminist, but I don't think most people think like that anymore. I think it's helped mothers in that feminists have pushed for the sharing of housework and childcare, and for the propagation of the idea that these things are 'work' too, even if there's no paycheque. It's helped fathers in that they've been given some societal permission to actually be fathers: change diapers, take kids to school, take parental leave. These things certainly haven't been completed, but they're on their way. I'm too tired to think of what it *could* give. I just worry that there aren't as many young feminists developing out there; I think most girls don't realize all that still needs to be done. I worry that we will lose some of the things we've gained.
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